Thirty years ago in 1991, Bachelors Anonymous recorded a few songs that you could hear only if you saw the band live. The single “What’s This Feeling?” is an audio appetizer of what’s to come in 2022. Below, Bachelors Rob Berg and David Hughes tell the story behind the song.
David: Listening to the song thirty years on, it was a complete conundrum. Lyrically it has my hallmarks but when Rob and I uploaded it for distribution, Rob mentioned, matter-of-factly, the lyrics were his. Why, then, was I singing lead?
And I’m haunted by a line—if it be Rob’s or mine—“Who will save me?” It’s not a sentiment I care for because for the longest time I’ve rejected the notion of salvation via romantic love. And yet I associate it with the breakup scene from the Merchant Ivory adaptation of E. M. Forster’s Maurice, the film’s most powerful. But was that Maurice’s line exactly? It was not. From the novel: “What an ending. What an ending.” Followed by “What’s going to happen?,” just as in the film, but with two words more on screen: “What’s going to happen to me?” Explaining my mental mixtape: “Who will save me?”
Rob: I first met Thon in 1988 at a Hindu monastery in Orange County, California. He was a novice monk, as I once had been a few years before. I was amazed at how we immediately clicked on so many levels. He was from Holland and became interested in Hinduism as a teenager, met a Swami in France, and ended up making a pilgrimage to India. I don’t remember exactly how he ended up living in that monastery but I think, like me, it had a lot to do with Christopher Isherwood, a very out gay writer who met a Swami in Hollywood and tried living briefly as a Hindu monk (My Guru and His Disciple).
It was music that really bonded Thon and me together. We would exchange mixtapes by mail. He turned me on to European music that was not available here in the U.S. and I loved the cassette covers he created.
After about six months, he decided to return to Holland. He may have been asked to leave due to his visa status. Being a monk—even a novitiate—meant that a romantic relationship was impossible between us, but that did not stop feelings from happening. “What’s This Feeling?” is the question I asked myself at that time. I included a demo of that song in a mixtape I gave him before he left. He loved Bachelors Anonymous and was thrilled to hear us.
After Thon returned to Amsterdam, we continued our correspondence. Not long after, he was diagnosed with AIDS. He was probably HIV positive when I met him in California. About a year later, he came back for a visit. We had a great time—though he was noticeably thinner—and weaker. I had really wanted to go to Amsterdam to see him. He passed on before I could make it there.
“What’s This Feeling?” is my virtual headstone for Thon—in a virtual Père Lachaise Cemetery.
The Recording
“What’s This Feeling?” was among the first batch of songs—nearly three hours’ worth—that Rob had digitally transferred from original reel-to-reel tapes back in July 2020. It was labeled “B.A. Vocal Mixes ’91” and was recorded in our Men’s Dept 4-track home studio. The song consists of a stereo instrumental mix along with one track each devoted to lead and backing vocals. The listener, however, can count about eight instrumental components, some of them stereo, including drums by Del Mar Richardson. How to get this many into a stereo mix?
Our recorder, a TEAC A-3340S, could “bounce” as many as two previously recorded tracks down to the remaining blank track. (The Beatles used a variation of this technique on Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.) The “S” of the TEAC’s model number stands for Simul-Sync, which further allowed the combining (overdubbing) of prerecorded tracks with live input. We likely used a combination of both techniques. But why could we only bounce down two tracks instead of three? We had to sacrifice a track for a SMPTE time code that would sync each subsequent instrument. All that changed with digital recording; the only limitation today is the size of your hard drive and your computer’s RAM.
From our vantage point in 2021 we are amazed that “What’s This Feeling?” required no additional overdubs.
“What’s This Feeling?” and two more songs from this reel will be released on our forthcoming eight-cut album, The Big Picture, in 2022. The single is released on the occasion of the Winter Solstice and the birthday of Michael Tilson Thomas.
Lyrics
So what’s this feeling? this falling feeling?
Is it love? that’s got me reeling?
or is it just a sinking feeling?
You’re just someone someone who broke in
You’re just someone
I don’t know you don’t even know you
I can’t show you don’t even know you
Chorus
So what’s this feeling? this falling feeling?
Is it love? that keeps me reeling?
or is it just a sinking feeling?
Friends are one thing please don’t explain it
I won’t believe it friends are one thing
You’ve got something you’ve just got something (x 2)
Chorus
Can’t stop falling won’t stop falling
I like this feeling need this feeling
What’s the point? the point of no return?
I can feel it I can feel it[’s] here
I can’t see you I can’t see you out there nowhere
Chorus
Keep the promise you never made me
Who will save me? Keep the promise
You say nothing you promise nothing (x 2)
Chorus
So tell me what’s this feeling?
Can you tell me is it love?
[somewhere near the end]
You’re just someone someone who broke in
underneath my skin you’re just someone
I don’t know you don’t even know you
I don’t know you don’t even know you
Lyrics Reprinted by Permission
Credits
BACHELORS ANONYMOUS is
Rob Berg: Synth, Vocals
David Hughes: Drum Box, Vocals
Produced by
Bachelors Anonymous
Instruments and vocals recorded at
The Men’s Dept (4-track), 1991
Drums by
Del Mar Richardson
Digital Transfer by
Advanced Digital Services, 2020
Mixed by
Adrian Alvarado
Alpha Sound, 2021
Mastered by
Scott A. Jennings
Artistry in Sound, 2021
Cover design by
Rob Berg with David Hughes
and a starscape image by
Francesco Ungaro
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